The lion at the czek. The czek is always in the male.
Why can’t you kill roaches in Florida?
It’s illegal to kill a state bird.
2 Likes
Burglar enters a home, immediately hears “Jesus is watching.”
Thinking he’s hearing things, he continues to search for valuables. Again, “Jesus is watching.”
He shines his flashlight on a parrot in a cage, and says, “Did you just say what I think you did?”
“Yes.”
“What’s your name?”
“Moses.”
“What sort of person names his parrot Moses?!”
“Same one who named his pit bull Jesus.”
3 Likes
Mom asks for phone book.
Teen daughter says “A phone book?! That’s SO ancient!”, and hands her the iPhone.
So now, the spider’s dead; the phone is broken; & daughter is pissed.
4 Likes
What did Helen Keller call her dog?!?!?
Kamikaze-go.
He was a gift from a Japanese police officer.
The dog was an Akita, and Keller became the first person to bring that breed to the United States. Sadly, just 7 months old, Kamikaze-go died.
In response, the Japanese government gifted her another Akita from the same litter, and that dog lived to be 8 years old.
What do you do if someone thinks an onion is the only food that can make them cry?
Throw a coconut at their face.
I was thinking… What if Amy Coney Barrett went into private practice with an attorney named Grin?
makes for an interesting business card…
A man is diagnosed with an illness no longer treatable & doctor wishes he had come sooner. Now the man has only three days to live.
Wife asks him, “What can I do to make you more comfortable?” on hearing the news.
He replies “I want to make love to you all night long.”
So they do.
When it’s down to two days, she asks the same question & gets the same reply.
So they do.
On his final day, she asks and, upon hearing the same reply, returns with “That’s easy for you to say. You don’t have to get up to go to work in the morning.”
Guy in the sky falling down with a jammed parachute encounters another guy coming up.
He asks the upward flyer, “Hey! Know how to open a parachute?”
To which he gets, “No. Do you know how to operate a gas stove?”
1 Like
The Baptist Preacher & The Georgia Redneck…
A Baptist Preacher was seated next to a Redneck on a flight to Atlanta
After the plane took off, the Redneck asked for a whiskey and ice, which was brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink.
Appalled, the preacher replied, “I’d rather be tied up and taken advantage of by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips.”
The Redneck then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, “Me too, I didn’t know we had a choice.”
1 Like
Why did the blonde guy’s girlfriend have bruises on her bellybutton?
Because blonde guys are stupid too.
Two blondes walk into a building.
You think one of them would have seen it.
A priest, a rabbi and a reverend walk into a bar.
The bartender looks up and says, “what is this, some kind of joke?”
A cement mixer and a prison bus crashed on the highway. Police advise citizens to look out for a group of hardened criminals.
A priest, a reverend and a rabbit go to give blood.
Nurse says to the rabbit, I think you’re a type O.
2 Likes
A woman was in court after being accused of beating her husband to death with his guitar collection.
The judge asked “First offender?”
She replied “No, the first was a Gibson, the second was a Fender.”
2 Likes
This isn’t actually a joke, just funny.
My father was driving, mother the passenger, me, a little kid, in the back seat. They’re having a heated argument. So much so that it is affecting his driving. Police car pulls him over, walks up to the window, and before he can say anything my mother says, officer, don’t mess with my husband when he’s been drinking.
He wasn’t drinking anything, that’s my mother getting the last word.
2 Likes
Chris Rick said to leave an angry woman at home.
Class was asked what their dads do for a living.
Johnny says, “My dad’s a stripper at a gay club. He thrns tricks in an alley for extra money.”
Teacher takes him aside and asks, “Johnny, is your dad really a stripper in a gay club?”
He replies, “No, he’s a reporter for CNN, but I was too embarrassed to reveal that.”
3 Likes
