Not the same type of respect. Respect as in
deference to a right, privilege, privileged position, or someone or something considered to have certain rights or privileges; proper acceptance or courtesy; acknowledgment
What point are you attempting to make there?
Hereâs a question.
So what if itâs just a phase?
Why not call kids by what they want to be called?
If itâs just a phase, theyâll grow out of it. Thatâs how phases work.
When I was a kid, when my little brother was 4 or 5, he decided he hated his first name - and insisted that everyone call him by his middle name. So for six months, we all called him by his middle name. My parents, his teachers, his friends and his friendâs parents - everyone called him by his middle name.
One day, he grew out of it. It was over, and everything went back to normal. The only evidence it ever happened is a couple pieces of kindergarten art with his middle name signed to it.
Thatâs a good question.
Iâm going under the assumption that the teenager grew up in the âaverageâ home where gender identity wasnât really discussed. But perhaps over the years they stopped feeling comfortable in their own body and developed a desire to transition to the opposing gender. Or are confused as hell about it.
I donât get the nuances of it all. To me, a dude is a dude and a chick is a chick and itâs based on your junk. But I admit that my view isnât the view of everyone else.
Maybe there isnât a right or wrong answer to this. Only degrees.
It doesnât strike you as the least bit odd that all of the sudden thereâs been an explosion of these cases in the past few years? What changed?
All I know is that it was not much of an issue prior to the Internet and ubiquitous smart phones.
Does someone have a right to be called by the gender of their choice?
See, thatâs where all of this stuff gets really nuanced and confusing. And those of us who have questions about all of it shouldnât be vilified for making honest mistakes in misidentifying someone. Which working in the public for the last 10 years, Iâve had run ins with.
Must be something in the water âŚ
Of course not. Just as a black person doesnât have a general ârightâ to not be called the n-word.
Itâs not about rights, itâs about courtesy.
When it comes to public schools, I would argue that they should in fact be legally obligated to treat their students with respect and courtesy.
Could be sub-societal changes. The internet gave people new routes to communicate and explore with like minded individual.
When I was a kid, which was in the mid to late 90s, I donât think I ever heard anything about people transitioning to other genders. I knew about the homosexual community and the âdrag queen.â Not that I really knew the details; I was raised in a southern Protestant household so these things werenât approved of and generally werenât spoken of.
But in school we already knew about the âfruityâ kids. Or that they had âsugar in their tanks.â That was already a thing. And in many cases, they came out as gay by the time we got in high school. Some even in middle school.
I always felt bad for them because they usually got bullied something fierce. But almost everyone got bullied in middle school and high school for one reason or another. Even the bullies got bullied. But the âgayâ kids got it worse than anyone else.
Not to say there arenât bad faith actors out there - because there always are, no matter the context - but no one is worried about honest mistakes.
Itâs usually pretty easy for people to tell the difference between malice and mistake.
I have a friend from high school who started transitioning a few years ago, and every now and then I still slip up and answer the phone with âHey man!â when I see her number pop up on my caller ID. Mistakes happen.
Iâm probably about the same age as you, but I didnât have close to the same experience you had.
My grandparents, who raised me, are extremely religious to this day. Hardcore Protestant people. So I was mostly sheltered. I grew up watching old 50s and 60s westerns and the nightly news. The music was bluegrass gospel music. It was only at my momâs house that I got to really watch tv freely and listen to popular music. And I didnât stay with her often; she was too career driven to pay me much attention.
Middle school was where I really started noticing how different everyone really is from each other. And I started making friends and getting to hang out with them outside of school. Itâs also when I got my sailorâs mouth. Iâve cussed like a sailor since I was in sixth grade, although Iâve never cussed in front of them. Out of respect.
Yeah, thatâs pretty the opposite of how I was raised.
My whole family - parents, grandparents, etc - are/were Jewish/atheist artists and intellectuals. I knew and understood my parents gay and trans friends long before I understood how sex worked.
A friendâs child is now non-binary, and I still slip up and forget to use âthey.â I question many things about transgender issues, but thereâs never a reason to openly disrespect people.
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One could say that by chiding you for âslipping upâ and using a gender specific pronoun demonstrates a lack of respect for you by them.
Thatâs all this is about.
Itâs ok to have questions, itâs an incredibly complicated topic. That doesnât foreclose courtesy and respect.
Who says he was âchidedâ?
Nobody. But it happens more frequently than you might like to think. It happened to me at my daughterâs wedding by one of her androgynous friends during the reception. Very rude.
When I was in my early 20s I never thought Iâd be saying, thank god Iâm 53. But hey, maybe every generation says that when they grow older. Either that or they buy a motorcycle. But for me, when the rules and or legislation starts to cater to the freak show, Iâm out.
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