I am not angry at him, not anymore at least. I need to forgive.
It has been 4+ months since I last posted in this thread. I lost my memory when I went back to school. I couldn’t remember really anything from my h9me life, or what I learned in past semesters. I had trouble recognizing faces and getting around campus. I did know that I was a student and was- needed- to graduate that semester.
For a while I felt like my empathy was gone. I didn’t care what happened. I started to feel angry and unsafe. I still have periods where I feel like I’m going to have an outburst, and I still feel unsafe. I still don’t feel like myself. I am so worried that some of these negative personality changes are permanent. The protections I used to have, to protect myself emotionally, are gone.
The weird thing about a fugue, or any type of amnesia, ancedotally, is that you know you have a past, but you don’t know the details or what it is. It was like my memories were behind a locked door. I could get a glimpse, “through the keyhole,” but if I tried to really access it I would get this startle response.
Meditation is helping though, as is yoga. Music has helped me get my creative juices flowing again.
One day at a time. Really all any of us can do. You aren’t alone.
My gosh it is hard to think. I can’t think to intricately or my head starts to ache. Especially when I try to think and recall memories at the same time, such as studying for a course. My emotions get tangled, too.
I am ________
Be careful. We recently got fussed at for this sort of thing.
Also, what? Are you okay?
Some memories surfaced of me getting an initial dx of cocert malignant narcissism with paranoid and Machievellian traits, and being treated as such.
You demonstrate yourself to be a much, much better person than whom you referenced. I’m also going to opine that the so called professional who provided the info about a similar diagnosis to a genocidal tyrant probably shouldn’t be allowed to interact with people seeking help. And for the record, I have seen nothing in your interactions on this board to indicate that you have anything in common with even a shallow shadow of that tyrant.
My university, ORU, tried to brainwash me into believing I was pro-choice (and okay with killing children inside the womb) and accused me of such.