Any Advice for Moving Out?

I’m leaving the Commonwealth & starting over somewhere else, plus have a 14 year old. She’ll probably want to stay with her dad.

We’ve just agreed we don’t want the same things in life—I don’t want any kind of a social life here & he doesn’t want to go out to dinner or anything just the teo of us.

That’s two different goals & it just can’t work. I’ve continued in the marriage not wanting to treat our daughter like a wishbone & she’ll be pissed with me for moving out.

I’m dead inside even though this is no surprise. Sometimes I wish the outside would follow even though I know it will someday.

It’s been one failure after another. Am crying right now even though the marriage has been over a long time.

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That’s what I’m asking here. How do ai move out of where I’m not welcomed or wanted without taking her down with me?

We’ve both agreed to move on. It’s two different goals when one person wants to spend time socially & the other just wants dinner with family.

This might put things into perspective for you.

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Reverend Womack is right. A loving relationship with God and slights from others slide off like water off a duck’s back.

But now it feels really disheartening knowing that the one person I committed to doesn’t want me. I know my limitations as a person, and that’s disheartening right now.

I can’t stop crying. And if that makes me crazy, so be it.

I view the man as the head of the household. It is his responsibility to expend every effort to keep the family unit strong. And if that’s impossible, he should be putting in the effort to ensure a smooth transition to divorce that does not disrupt the children.

That’s his job, it comes with the authority he’s trusted with in a traditional home.

Go to him and ask him for help to move out. It’s not your job to figure it out. If he’s worth anything, he’ll be fair with you, and he won’t just let you flounder out there by yourself.


Thanks everyone.

I love my daughter & may have a sort of informal separation where we really manage to hold onto a household but 99% avoid each other.

I don’t want to hurt her with a move, or not having contact with her father. I’ll end my own desire for companionship if it means she benefits.

Badly as I want to go back home, I may just end up renting 5 minutes away on the south side of town.

It hurts not being wanted at all, but if my daughter can benefit I’ll find a way to detach.

Thank you again.

It 8s not true 5hat 6ou are not wanted at all. Jesus and our Father want you enough to go to the cross to make 8t possible for you to have a loving relationship with them. It may be but one or two broken humans who don’t want you at all. Don’t let your feelings drive you to build a false reality with your tongue.

Not big on giving advice, specially the matter of the heart.

But advice I will give is time…time is key to life.

So I suggest you find yourself. At some point your daughter will cease to be daddy little girl…and when that happen a whole new world opens up to her. She will see thing in different light…your job is be there when that happens.

So until then stay strong…and rediscover yourself.

And take care of yourself.


Now this was not said to me in a constructive manner, but I may see if my employee counseling program can be used.

A colleague of my mom’s used theirs to determine if there was anything she could do to be a better fit for her particular job, could she make the situation better, or should she leave.

Before her free sessions were up, it was determined that no, that was not the job for her, nor even the agency, and she needed to find another employer.

I may use it to see if there’s something I can do to better myself, maybe try to live separate lives until our daughter is 18, or if it really is too far gone to be salvaged & I need to he gone STAT.

EAP helped me immensely in my time of need.

Non judgmental. And that’s what I needed at the time.


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Wait, why are you leaving the state?
Moving out, because your marriage is over happens. Staying together for a child is not usually better. You can still be a excellent parent when divorced.

But not if you leave the state.

Move out, find a place close by (ideally same school district, but at least close enough to be involved daily) and figure out 50/50 custody.

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“Wait, why are you leaving the state?”

I’ve never really adapted here, that’s part of the problem. It’s been 20 years since I rented an apartment by myself & that was in Florida.

Look, I can see where I went wrong & that’s what makes things all the worse. I got mad because I feel very rejected while it seems any time friends ask for stuff he’s right on the scene.

Haven’t felt like part of the family in awhile. Now we’re nor speaking, just sharing parenting responsibilities and it really hurts, especially since I know where I went wrong.

There’s other mental games, too. Am waiting for one counseling practice to return a call.

I hope everyone here has a lovely Thanksgiving. I’ve known for awhile we wouldn’t always be together. Yet it still hurts more than I can say.

If you guys are tired of listening I really don’t blame you. Sometimes I’m fed up with myself, too.

I hope you find some peace/happiness in the day.

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Do not leave the state your kids are in.

I’m sorry you are having a tough time. I honestly wish you the very best.

But do not leave the state. Being physically there for your kids is a huge part of being a parent. I’m sorry, I know I should be using kid gloves and more empathy but do not move away from your kids.

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Oh, I’m actually in reality when it comes to that. You’re right.

Much as I’d love Atlanta or Dallas, I’m actually hoping to manage a move to the south side of town so I can be here for my girl.


That sounds really good. I think that would be a good thing for all of you.

Moving to your favored state can be your long term goal. :heart:

After trying for some months, we’re calling it quits. I changed my mind about wanting a social life and he changed his mind about us.

The only reason I don’t return to Florida is a family member who constantly ran interference is there and I don’t wish to return with my tail between my legs.

The marriage actually died years ago. Pulling the plug now is cleaning up a big mess.

Got the runaround when it came to counseling. Only one office manager even returned my phone call to say her social workers were booked.

Have even tried looking at the other side and wondering if maybe I’m not a nice or a good person, but that’s sort of running around in circles not getting any answers.

Just want a little cat or dog or both and an environment for the time I have to make some attempt at parenting where it’s not walking on eggshells to get along.