What Is The Correct Way to Be Direct Here?

Janet_Miller · 2019-03-26T19:04:03.321Z

I’ve been afraid to be direct fearing I’ll get ugly and find myself jobless. I really don’t want physical contact with me this worker.

It isn’t touch onnthe breasts or genitalia, there are no passes involved, I just don’t want physical contact. This guy, rather young and new, has leaned on me when we were in group meeting—I’m not a wall or piece of furniture, don’t want his hand on my shoulder—and even touched me on the head (his pet cat is at home).

He defers to a very junior employee for work related questions, so I think it’s a snide and gesture indicating he doesn’t see me as too capable. That’s some strange math, someone with 20 years experience in two different states isn’t capable, someone with one year experience is. Even this young woman has asked him why only her. “Well, there are only two people who have been here longer than you.”

I felt like asking, as the two were right in front of me, “The problem with them is…?” Am moving next month & don’t want job loss as we purchased the property, and, unlike where we are now, this is a place I really want.

What would you say to end his touching gestures?

Jezcoe · 2019-03-26T19:05:00.113Z

Janet_Miller:

I’ve been afraid to be direct fearing I’ll get ugly and find myself jobless. I really don’t want physical contact with me this worker.

It isn’t touch onnthe breasts or genitalia, there are no passes involved, I just don’t want physical contact. This guy, rather young and new, has leaned on me when we were in group meeting—I’m not a wall or piece of furniture, don’t want his hand on my shoulder—and even touched me on the head (his pet cat is at home).

He defers to a very junior employee for work related questions, so I think it’s a snide and gesture indicating he doesn’t see me as too capable. That’s some strange math, someone with 20 years experience in two different states isn’t capable, someone with one year experience is. Even this young woman has asked him why only her. “Well, there are only two people who have been here longer than you.”

I felt like asking, as the two were right in front of me, “The problem with them is…?” Am moving next month & don’t want job loss as we purchased the property, and, unlike where we are now, this is a place I really want.

What would you say to end his touching gestures?

Is there an HR department?

Excast · 2019-03-26T19:13:23.169Z

If he is a new guy and you have been with the company for some time I would hope that whoever is in charge would listen to your concerns and tell him to knock it off. If not, it definitely sounds like a place you don’t want to be and the upcoming move is for the best.

Jezcoe · 2019-03-26T19:13:42.080Z

I ask about an HR department because I switch jobs frequently in the entertainment industry and I have to do harassment training at least twice a year.

What you are describing sounds like a hostile work environment… especially with the unwelcome touching.

If you complain, there can be no retrobution. The law is on your side on this one.

https://www.dol.gov/oasam/programs/crc/2011-workplace-harassment.htm

If there is an HR department, that is the way to go. There are also apps to anonymously report problems. Better to report and take care of the issue early instead of later when it could be much worse.

Janet_Miller · 2019-03-26T19:26:01.578Z

Yes and I plan on giving them a call.

altair1013 · 2019-03-26T19:30:08.409Z

Jezcoe:

Is there an HR department?

I would not file a complaint with HR yet. But I would talk to then and ask how to respond to this. Put H.R. on notice so that they are aware of this nit wits behavior.

She should also just tell the co-worker that she is uncomfortable with being touched. And that he should refrain from doing it. Do it in a non accusatory way. And make it sound as if it is her own problem, not his. Unfortunately, the work place is loaded with low lifes and nit wits. No matter where you work.

DameAnniz · 2019-03-31T21:47:56.194Z

Hi Janet! Sorry to hear all of that. If I were dealing with the guy who thinks you’re a wall or cat I would start off with a “nice” approach: The next time he leans on me, I’d but a smile on my face, pull away!!, and say something like, “Sorry, I’m just not the touchy feely kind.” If he is rude enough to ask WHY? I’d say something broad and simple like, “Dunno. Always been that way.” Then I’d walk away. I hope that he responds to something like that. Smiling helps, because even if he’s too young or dense or both to understand, he may see you are not attacking him. I hope hope hope that helps.