The First Joke Thread

We move the clock 1 h forward and 1 h backward yet noon allways comes at the same time.

Biden boards the wrong train in Delaware,
Facing him is sitting a little old lady.
'Where are you traveling?" he asks her.
“To Canada”, she says.
Biden: “Amazing technology…I’m going to Washington”.

why are blonde jokes so short?

…

so redheads can understand them.

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What do you call a priest who graduated from law school?

Father in law

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if Trump wins the election, will we be living in Mudville?

no “joy” anyway…

Did you hear that laughing too loudly is illegal in Hawaii? They only permit a-low-ha.

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WSJ


https://t.co/71t6a6YeqP
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Oh wait this threadis for jokes.
Are funny and tru things allowed?

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Did you know Iran has no Wal-Marts?

I’ve looked all over. They only have Targets.

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One cutting edge aquarium saved a lot of money when its owner discovered a means to make the dolphins live forever – since the dolphins never died, no money needed to be spent on buying new ones. Extending the dolphins’ lives required putting a special mixture into their food; one of the ingredients was baby sea gull meat. So one day, one of the workers was sent to the beach to find some. On the way back, baby sea gulls in hand, he had to pass through a forest. In the middle of the path was a sleeping lion. He very carefully stepped over it, only to be handcuffed by a policeman.

“Officer,” he said, “what’s going on?”

“You’re under arrest,” said the policeman.

“But why?” he asked.

The policeman replied, “For transporting young gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.”

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did you hear about the male pimple in a dress?

it was in transit…

“Is there such a thing as AI?” the pondering Cyclops wants to know…

There is such a thing as AI.
It just isn’t very “I.”

jumping for joy

Two men considering a religious vocation were having a conversation. "What is similar about the Jesuit and Dominican Orders? " the one asked.

The second replied,
"Well, they were both founded by Spaniards –
St. Dominic for the Dominicans, and
St. Ignatius of Loyola for the Jesuits.

“They were also both founded to combat heresy –
the Dominicans to fight the Albigensians, and
the Jesuits to fight the Protestants.”

“Oh okay. Well, what is different about two Orders?”

“Met any Albigensians lately?”

I tell Dad jokes.

Sometimes he laughs at them.

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A horse and a chicken were out in the back pasture. The horse fell into quicksand and screamed to the chicken: “quick get the farmer to get the tractor and pull me out”! The chicken ran around, couldn’t find farmer so got the keys and got the tractor and pulled the horse out!
Later the chicken fell into the quicksand, screamed for the horse to get the farmer but the horse said: “I’ll just stand over you reach up, grab my penis and I’ll pull you out”! The chicken was rescued.
Moral of the story: When you’re hung like a horse it’s easy to pick up chicks! :crazy_face:

did you hear about the disappearing corn?

the farmer planted it in quicksand

image