Feeling Like a Stupid Pushover

Janet_Miller · 2019-12-04T23:45:32.673Z

Don’t know why the word NO is so hard to say but it is. And I feel like a big, worthless doormat that’s just going into the trash eventually.

One colleague if he needs me to take over something while he’s on break or needs to be out of the area for some other reason, fine. But this person makes a pattern of duty shirking, passing the buck onto others.

Don’t know why I expected differently, but have some issues right now with building access until my access card is replaced. I asked could he walk outside with me while I briefly looked for my phone in the car—not cause I feel unsafe by myself, but, as I explained, am having access issues. The whole trip would have probably cost 5 minutes.

He came up with excuses and “Why not just buzz Security?” They had already expressed irritation.
I ended up doing it myself & buzzing irritated Security.

My teen I am asking not to run a mile, or make Straight A’s, but to clean her room, clean up after herself, help change her bed sheets. Always there is some excuse why she can’t be bothered with me & “will do it myself”. Never gets done.

Feel as if I’m living somewhere I’m considered an undesirable and really not wanted. Much as I love this house, sometimes I wonder if I should rent somewhere by myself and adopt some cats. They don’t ask for much of anything and give much more.

Fed up with asking for one little thing to be seen as high maintenance and expecting too much. A brief walk? Help house cleaning? Really?

I know I’m done doing favors and I’m sure not getting my daughter a dog likes she wants. Guess who would do all the work with the dog?

Am I a bad person for feeling this way? Would renting by myself free all of the person they don’t want around anyway?

mwevans1234 · 2019-12-05T01:27:01.553Z

If the teenager gets decent grades and doesn’t hang out with riff Raff, consider it a win. Laziness, rebellion and pushing away are SOP for adolescents. If she’s functioning well outside of the house, congratulations - you’ve done your job - she has the skills necessary for life. That she chooses not to use them at home is certainly annoying but typical.

With the colleague, you’ve got options when he’s asking for favors ranging from saying “piss off mate” to saying “okay, I’ll help if you help me with this other thing” to coming up with excuses every time he asks …

…which brings us to the most adult option, saying “okay, but it bugs me that when I needed you to walk me to my car you didn’t help.”

Lots of dudes are oblivious and don’t realize their rudeness. Upon confrontation he’ll either be embarrassed and apologize (normal guy) or escalate things (douchey guy). Either way, fewer unrequited favor requests will come, and you’ll have won a small victory over passivity.

SixFoot · 2019-12-05T01:45:21.827Z

Janet_Miller:

Am I a bad person for feeling this way?

No.

Does this about sum it up for how you’re feeling lately?

image718×660 35.6 KB

Those are all knives. They don’t belong in your back.

Janet_Miller · 2019-12-13T01:58:03.972Z

How have you been?

How old are your twins now?