I completely understand this way of thinking. For the past six or so months, I’ve waged a kind of combat against these kind of thoughts:
When a negative thought enters my mind, like “people don’t generally want to be around me” I counter it with “people LOVE to be around me.”
Depression is really like a sword fight. Counter a strike or stand still like a nimwit and be killed by a thousand cuts. Because that is what depression is: death by a thousand cuts.
So, learn to sword fight in your head. Just because you don’t have a weapon in your hand does not mean your mind is not the best weapon in your arsenal.
I talk about depression a lot because I’ve suffered from it for so long, but please don’t let me convince you that I truly understand it. I just know I have it, what it does to me, and that other people have it and suffer in different ways. And that’s why we need to not be afraid to talk about our symptoms. Most of us feel agonizingly alone, so being able to reach out even to strangers online helps.
The first thing I’d suggest doing is talking about what you’re going through with your doctor, if you have one. Most importantly, find someone in your life you can open up to. Since so many of our problems come from how we think, it’s good to get those thoughts out of our heads
There are also phone numbers you can call when you’re feeling like you’re in a bad spot, but not necessarily suicidal. Or at least they have one in my area. They call it a warm line, and you’re supposed to call when you’re in need. Check to see if you have one where you are.
I’m not even sure how to begin discussing it, but at least this thread carried over from the old forum. Hopefully I can chime in here and there to learn things along the way.
That’s part of what we’re here for.
So earlier today I stopped by my brothers house on my way home from grocery shopping. I guess he’d been wanting to do a segment with me on his podcast (where he talks about the Canadian Football League, of which I know very little) and by pure happenstance, today was the day he was able to do it.
I joined him in his little studio, and he asked me about my take on the CFL, Johnny Manziel, and the potential of an increase of American dollars into the sport. But that’s not the part that matters. What matters is that, like last year when I did a morning radio show with him, I well and truly enjoyed myself. There’s something about sitting in front of a microphone that makes me more comfortable than I do almost anywhere else.
My brother is excited, and would like to do another show with me. Who knows, maybe a podcast will help cure what ailes me.
You truly have a kind soul, Nik.
Be mindful of the personal information that you share here. Not all users honor the Safe Haven.
Had my first therapy session yesterday. I feel like this guy actually understands me, so maybe this will be helpful after all.
Unrelated, but @FlameHeart, haven’t heard from you in a while. I hope all is well.
I was actually coming in here to check on her just now. lol
It’s great when you find a therapist who connects with you, and you look forward to seeing.
I had a long term therapy relationship with one such therapist (don’t live in that state any more). But I also know how it is to feel as if you’re wasting time and money and the therapist means well, but just isn’t getting it.
On the lighter side, I found out yesterday my daughter scored high enough to make honors mathematics this fall in the seventh grade. That isn’t my genes as languages, writing, the liberal arts were more my forte.
The catch is that now she needs her teacher’s reccommendation, so we’ll have to wait and see if she gets that.
Hi everyone; I’m sorry I ghosted you. I’ve been busy with vacation (last week) and recoverinh from surgery which I had las Wednesday. Once I get off the narcotics and down to Ibuprofen, I’ll probably be more active.
“How does one consolidate the fact that he will never give in and kill himself, but wishes he were dead nonetheless?”
I hope you feel better.
In any case, I’ve got a mixed bag over here.
My daughter legitimately earned the minimum score or over it to qualify fot that honors math class.
However, now she needs a “teacher reccomendation” for it. Seems there is some personal business, politics in such a requirement. Or maybe the teacher has ideas like some students will put more time into the class than others.
Where I went to high school, a student could elect to take a class on a higher level, although physics did have a specific math requirement. AP Physics required completion of Advanced Algebra II. SOME STUDents didn’t want the additional hour in the research lab part of the class, so they elected advanced physics. There was no teacher interference.
I do have mixed feelings about the “teacher reccomendation” part. So there’s my mixed bag. I’m glad she earned the score needed, but it waits to be seen if she’ll get into the class.
My right leg hurts like a ***** (despite that I’m using Hydrocodone, my parents want to give me Ibuprofen instead. They hid the pill bottles, so I can’t find something stronger. I understand that they don’t want me to get addicted, build up a tolerance and move on to something stronger like Heroin or Morphine, I’m hurting pretty badly), I had an allergic reaction to the iodine soap they used on me before the operation (an itchy, bumpy rash all up along my leg that won’t leave me alone), and I can’t get to sleep because my PCP suggested that I hold the clonodine because the narcotics would be sedating enough sleep, and I might get bradycardia (too slow of a heart beat).Things could be worse, but they certainly could be better. I suppose I should be glad that I’m handling it mentally better than I did the first time around.
Perhaps he simply waits for something to come along and kill him, and wallows in the misery during waiting?
In regards to requiring a teacher recommendation, that stinks. I hate it when policies change at the last minute, and it sort of sounds like this is what happened here. Kudos to her though for earning that score. I’m sure she’ll continue to work just as hard, and thus be better prepared for college, if that is where she wants to go.
Maybe I should ask for hydrocodone specifically, instead of pain meds? I also put some anti-histamine cream on the rash, and some of the redness has gone away, but it’s still pretty itchy. In addition to the scabbing over my incisions.
What a strange thing for that idea to bring about a brief feeling of excitement. Hmmm.