Well, I must say I am pleased to hear about your brother. What joy! I am truly happy for you in the Lord.
After my sister died, I found no support in the church. They weren’t equipped to deal with my loss.
Most of my life, and as far back as I can recall, I didn’t believe in myself. We were mentally abused. Nothing we ever did was good enough.
I was afraid of trying new things. I was afraid of
going over a bridge - afraid it would fall. I wouldn’t and couldn’t volunteer an opinion for fear of criticism. I was basically scared of my own shadow. I could not finish a project because I knew the praise wouldn’t come.
At around nine years old, a teacher took me aside and told me I was good. I argued with her that I wasn’t. It went back and forth until she got the last word. I kept this delicate treasure deep in my heart and never told anyone, but I chose to hang on to that nugget of hope just in case.
When I gave up my hang-ups, a great weight was lifted. The fear was gone.
Not knowing what had happened to me, I went back to church trying to find the answer, and little by little what was said in the sermons rubbed me the wrong way. It offended the liberty and joy I had innitially known.
One day after a particular sermon, I was sure what the preacher had said was not what God put in my heart. My mind also rebeled. I went home and locked myself in the den and announced I wasn’t to be disturbed. I grabbed my husband’s bible. I was determined once and for all to get to the bottom of this dilemma. It opened to Romans, and boy, it came alive. I had markers of all colors and underlined all those passages (there were many) about freedom, and the fact that God has written his laws in our hearts, and we know this instinctively. I read all nignt. I especially was touched by Paul’s writings. That’s when I became truly free. This happened roughly six months after I first trusted Jesus and a couple months after my sister died.
It was a little tentative at first. I determined to rid myself of old beliefs, dogmas, religious articles, etc… I chose to listen to christian radio - Focus on the Family w/ Dr. Dobson - Wayne Monbleau of the Loving Grace Ministry (went to see his band in New Haven, Ct once). Purchased and listened to dozens of their testimonies on tapes. I read most of the Joshua books by Joseph Garzone, and I got other people to read them (went to his one week retreat). I went to other denominations’ bible studies. One paster, Jim VanPelt, in the Congrational Religion couldn’t figure me out. He never heard my story. I had to move to VT to be near my parents who were both ill before I had a chance to share. Both have passed away many years ago now.
So you see, I have kept myself free of a religious congregation per say, but I do take care of keeping my liberty intact. I cannot forget how it used to be - the pain, the doubts and the fears. Most of all, I am reminded of the grace I received.
I know and realize it’s not for everyone. We are all different, we are in different places spiritually at any given time. We have different needs, wants and desires.
As Wayne Monbleau described a dream he had many years ago, I knew there would be fewer people obstructing the beauty of God the higher I hiked up the mountain on my way to the summit. The adventures and the sights I experienced were unbelievably worth it beyond desires and imaginations.